How do you handle disappointment?

I've seen and experienced a lot of disappointment over the years. I've had my share. I keep thinking it's time for that rainbow and that figurative pot of gold... At some point my luck has to change, doesn't it? At some point I've got to stop getting knocked down. I keep getting stronger and my footing is more and more stable and yet I can't seem to stop myself from getting knocked down... You'd think you'd get used to disappointment and loss if you experience it enough... but I can assure you that that's really never the case. And perhaps it's because I still hope. It's all I've got left. And without hope, what is there? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

At 47 I'm finding that I am clinging on to hope because it is truly all I have left. The divorce took from me everything I had. It took my car, my house, my entire savings and as of yesterday an antique, heirloom Steinway piano... A piano that I have written about before... A piano that was in my family for a long time... A piano that was danced on and played on by the great maestro Leonard Bernstein. That piano was more than just an object. Her worth was not much in dollars, but in sentiment she is irreplaceable. The loss of this grand object has shaken me to the core.

It's easy to blame and point fingers. There are lawyers and there are other characters. But mostly I blame the heartless people who have purchased my old home. Due to unfortunate circumstances I could not get my piano out by the agreed-upon date, but I did have a mover all lined up for the very next day - a mere 12 hours later. But the cold and callous new residents have forced me to declare my family heirloom as "abandoned" and they can do with it what they see fit. I spoke on the phone with the husband yesterday. He had every opportunity to do the right thing. He's going to be traveling he told me. His wife has to work. (She's in a town about 20 minutes away.) No one can be there to supervise the removal. And so, the piano sits "abandoned" in a house, my former house, that is being completely renovated. I have no issue with that. I take issue with the fact that the current owners should do the right thing and return the piano to me. So legally I agreed to have the piano out by a certain date and the soonest the movers could get there was 12 hours later. Legally, they can do what they want. Morally this is a different story. They have no morals in my book. Apparently the wife now wants to take up piano. Really???? Just like that, she wants to play the piano... or maybe they won't.... And then I was told that they may even donate the piano somewhere. DONATE it somewhere? Really?? And I told him that perhaps he should "donate" it back to me...  but I didn't comply with the contract... 12 hours... We are talking a mere 12 hours... 12 hours and the loss of a family heirloom to someone who will not appreciate it... Or to some facility who may or may not appreciate it... They can fix it up and restore it to her full glory and then they have a very nice piece on their hands... Or they could donate it... A write-off perhaps??  I don't think in my 47 years I have EVER met anyone so cold, callous or heartless...

My mother used to call me a dreamer... I'm always off with my head in my own clouds, in my own little perfect bubble with this perfect notion that people in life are good and grand. I've had several experiences this year that have proven that this is not at all the case. There are people out there who are clearly not good, who put themselves in front of all others... I'm so utterly disappointed. I want to think that people are good and worthy... I want to be able to give them the benefit of the doubt. But I've learned the hard way... Why must lessons always be so hard?

And who does that? Who?

I've come to a point in my life that I never imagined. I have lost everything that was ever mine or important to me. Everything. It's a scary and very strange place to find myself at 47... I wonder if I will every truly be able to climb up... I don't expect to get to the top... can I even get halfway?

Today I had an opportunity to get away from all this for a while... I had an opportunity for a distraction and to get away from my own thoughts, worries and fears and I was so excited. I went to start the car and she wouldn't start. A battery that I had replaced just 6 months ago was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. So dead that I would need to replace it. So dead that my entire day and adventure had to be cancelled.

So forgive me, please, if I am coming off as extreme, or "dramatic" but that's just how things feel right now... there was hope, just a little of it... as warm and bright and promising as a ray of light on a cloudy day... And then just like that the light went out and the hope was extinguished.

I can handle a bad day. We all have them. We brush them off and tell ourselves that tomorrow is another day. We have the hope and promise of something better. But what do you do when you have one bad day after another, after another... how is it that you keep your chin up and stay positive? I'd like to know, really.