How Divorce has taught me how to appreciate and make the best of all these snow days

My Facebook page has been filled with quips, gripes and whines all related to the snow and the havoc it's causing... mostly the school closings. It's the mothers, some working and some not who are complaining. (Sometimes I think we all just like to hear ourselves complain!) And really, as a working mother, I can't blame them, can I? Until a couple of years ago, I complained too. I complained about the snow days and all the days the kids didn't have school. I complained because these interruptions messed with my schedule and like children I need a schedule. And they also greatly affected (and still do) any attempt I had to work and make a living. I work from home - except when I need to go to meetings - and as a writer I need peace and quiet, order and no distraction. Kids, as you know, are the anti all of that. It gets tiring, old and exhausting to try to meet a deadline when a hurricane is happening all around me. As I try to re-establish myself I need calm and order more than ever. I need productivity more than ever. I need peace and quiet more than ever. I need to prove myself still and while my name is getting out there and I am getting a reputation that is slowly leading to more leads and work, I must work doubly hard to prove I am worthy. I must do this because as a single parent, although I have a good bit of help from my ex-husband, I still am primary parent and I still have to put the children first. I just hope that people understand this. Truth of the matter is that some do and some don't. 

At the end of the day, of course I know what's most important. My family is most important. I know that somehow everything will sort itself out. I know that somehow everything will end up being the way it's supposed to be. It just will. While I want to be a success sooner rather than later - I know this doesn't happen overnight but gradually, slowly over time. I am working hard to perfect my craft and work at developing my skill set and increasing my connections and nurturing work-related relationships ... A lot goes into becoming successful. I will not act hastily or cut corners. Because I am a mother I realize this may take longer than if I was not. Because I am a mother I know that without a shadow of a doubt my children come first. Now, this isn't to say that I don't get frustrated because I do. But somehow, over the past year, I've been able to really see the bigger picture - the more important picture. Divorce has taught me an important lesson if you will.

There are some things that we just can't control. Weather is one of those things. We can beat ourselves up and whine and complain but that's not going to accomplish much. Really, it won't accomplish anything at all. The weather, just like all the other cards that I've been dealt, isn't something I can change. It's my life. I can complain. I can make excuses. Or I can do something about it - and in the case of our incessant snow days I can make the best of a bad situation... which isn't really a bad situation at all. 

I thought about this long and hard the other day as I was shoveling, for the umpeenth time, the heavy, wet snow from my very long driveway. I could have had the plow service come to my rescue but there are other ways I prefer to spend my money these days. I did, one day, immediately after raising the garage door, send the door back down. I looked at the mounting snow, 3 feet in areas of drifts, and told myself that it was too much to shovel. I went back inside and got mad at myself. I had given up before I even tried.

Eventually I bundled up and made my way back outside. I started slowly and deliberately in small spots, my efforts seemed to resemble a patchwork quilt. After I got half of the driveway done I came in for a break to warm up. When I went back out I was ready to tackle the rest. I looked at the long driveway and thought I would never make it to the end. I could have made excuses not to finish but I knew that would not have served any purpose. It wouldn't have done me any good. Quitters never win and winners never quit.

I'm not a competitive person. I am probably the least competitive person you've ever met. But recently, I have started to compete with myself to set goals, to better myself - for myself. I don't really care to be better than So and So, I care to be the best that I can be. I hope, as I am learning how to do this, I can teach this to my children as well. It's important. It will carry them far in life... I hope!

So as I was shoveling the incredibly heavy snow the other day, thinking to myself this is getting so old, I know that I would have thought differently a couple of years ago. I think I would have been angry to have been shoveling the snow. But the fact that I was shoveling the snow came as a result of a decision that I had made. I had made the decision to change my life and make something of myself. Only I can be responsible for my future and my success... and only I could dig out from the snow. I found this suddenly so freeing... so liberating... so wonderful! I had a choice! We all have choices. What our choices are aren't nearly as important as what we do with those choices. I hope you remember that.

As I shoveled I marveled at how incredibly strong I was... How incredibly strong I have become. While I had no control over the snow, I had total control of how I chose to react to the snow and what I chose to do with it all. I have room in my life to be successful at my career and to be a good mother. It takes organization and patience and sometimes a sense of sanity that I don't always have.

The snow has fallen once again. And shortly I will venture out and I will start the long process of digging out. I may or may not enlist the help of my children. I sort of enjoy the challenge and the sense of accomplishment. I enjoy the feel of the fresh cool air against my skin even though I am bundled up. I can feel my endorphins surge as I do during any good workout. I had to reschedule a meeting. But that's OK. The kids are home and safe and after a long and busy weekend I will allow laptops and iDevices and televisions. The children are quiet now which allows me the good fortune of focusing on writing and other tasks that require my attention. We are all home. We are all together. In a few years my oldest will be gone. Our family dynamic will change again. We will have snow days then, I am sure, but they won't be the same as they are today. Or the same as they were last year or even 10 years ago. I am relishing what's left of my time as a mother to three children. I am soaking up every second of family movies and family games and popcorn and casual lunches on the couch... I can't change this... I can't change the snow... I can't change the situation, but I can change how I act and react to the situation at hand.

Mother Nature has once again forced us to slow down. And now I am not seeing it as a punishment but for the gift it truly is. Our children are our greatest gifts... Sometimes, too often, we take these gifts for granted.

Jessica