Intuition

What's your take on trusting your gut? Is this a carefully honed skill? Is it something that comes naturally to some but not to others? I am very aware of my instincts. They are highly developed - I've been told more so than most. I've come to rely on them heavily. I wish I had in the past - but maybe I didn't know how to.

I second guess myself all the time. It's less about being indecisive than it is about making the right decisions. But what is the right decision? Do you look for an immediate answer or a long-term answer? The two may not necessarily be the same. I battle this all the time. Or I did. And then I started realizing that when I did, when I second guessed myself I wished I hadn't. And I started to notice a pattern. I looked at recent events and I even took a good strong look at my past...

And without meaning to sound harsh - and please don't jump on me for being honest and voicing my thoughts aloud - but here goes.

I'm going back about 17 years. I was engaged and happy. And terrified. It was a dream. Something I had always wanted. But there was a feeling within me that wasn't right. There was a feeling within me that said I shouldn't have been feeling that way. I didn't fully understand it. Why did something I wanted not feel so right? I chalked it up to cold feet. Every bride has cold feet, right? My gut was trying to tell me something.

Looking back I know that was it. I've battled this for quite some time. Had I listened to my gut I would have called off the wedding. I would have saved my ex husband pain and heartbreak. I would have avoided a couple of the toughest, darkest most miserable years of my life and a hell of a divorce. BUT, had I listened to my gut I would not have had 3 amazing children... and certainly our marriage was not all bad...but it never had the solid foundation that all good marriages have and should have. I won't go into personal details - but it goes something like this, and I am generalizing, a strong marriage takes more than just two friends... there needs to be passion. That said, and conversely, a strong marriage takes more than two lovers who are not truly friends. A strong marriage needs both components. Love and friendship. When one is lacking the other is not enough to support it. Ask anyone who is going through a rough marriage. Ask anyone who is going through, or has been through a divorce. And this had something to do with my cold feet. And had I known, and had I listened, I would have known that my instincts were indeed trying to tell me something.

Instincts can help us to avert danger, and sticky situations. They can also tell us to go ahead and give it a shot when we may not want to.

In the past couple of years I've started paying very close attention to my own instincts. When I have chosen to ignore them I always wished I had listened! I've stopped second guessing myself. I've stopped talking myself into or out of situations. Let's go back to that airplane... I was terrified. I wanted to say no, and yet I knew that I would be so happy if I did. And then there was the date a couple of weekends ago. I didn't want to go. I actually had several lined up. I had cancelled on this gentleman once and when he was so terribly disappointed I rescheduled, and the whole time I dreaded going. I went to the restaurant to see someone who had clearly misrepresented himself, who sounded so very much like Eeyore and tried as I might, I simply couldn't get the conversation to flow effortlessly.Though I had only been at the restaurant for an hour, it was the longest hour of my life! I've second guessed myself when taking tests, when writing proposals, accepting jobs... I've second guessed my way through life. It was when I started listening to my own instincts that I learned I was also making the right choices. It's taken me a while to fully understand them but I think these instincts will gently, capably help guide me in life.

Do you trust your instincts?