Dating at midlife... Fairy tales, Princes and Monsters

We don't envision our futures veering off our charted paths. We've all, at one time or other, had dreams of fairy tale lives with princes and children and happy endings. I was recently discussing this with a friend, and his take is that we have been programmed and expect to get to the end of the our fairy tale before we even open the book. It's not until the build up at the very end of the tale that the "true love is realized, " and then the dream is over before it really began. If fairy tales were realistic, they would be read from back to front - but then they wouldn't be a fairy tale. My friend makes a valid point here. We start with a wedding and a celebration of love and we make our vows that our love is sacred that it will last forever. 

In real life the wedding is not the ending, it’s really just the beginning and we have our long lives to live before we reach the end. Thrown in there are the demands and expectations of jobs, children and often nowadays, extended families. We can too easily lose ourselves in these rituals and in the momentum of life that is day to day living. Some of us get lost in the momentum. We lose ourselves or a part of ourselves.

Times have changed and so have we. Women’s and men’s roles are no longer defined... They're no longer black and white. Our lives have become busier, more chaotic and more hectic. We're pulled in too many direction and huge expectations are placed on us. Often we place these huge expectations on ourselves, and while we are busy taking care of children and family many of us need more. Many of us still have our dreams and goals, and we'd like to see them realized. 

And so life as we had planned took a different, path... or a detour. Some may view it as a sad thing, but it’s really not a bad thing. When something’s broken you try to fix it. When you’re unhappy you try to find something that makes you happy. We're still young and we still have lots of life to live. We should be able to live our happily ever after.

I’m a huge believer in second chances… whether at school, on the job, at home, or in life. And so, here, many of us are suddenly single. It’s a wonderful thing and it’s a terrifying thing. It’s liberating. It’s freeing. It's exhilarating. And yes, it’s terrifying.

I was asked to pen an article about being single and dating in my 40s. I was all set and eager to write and then I met a brick wall. It was more than just a case of writer’s block… I became paralyzed if you will. The highs, the lows…. The good, the not so good… Trying to sort it out in my head so that it translates well onto paper is harder than I thought. The reason for this, I believe, is because we are all so different. While we are a part of this strange new world, we’ve taken different paths to get here and we’ll take different paths out. Some of us have been here a while, some a long while and some are only just starting this brave new journey.

I have my experiences and I am happy to share them, but we are all different and we all act and react differently. Our approaches are not all the same and some are vastly different. This doesn’t mean that one way is right or wrong; it just means that we all have to do what feels right for us.  Some people have a more laid back approach, some are more traditional, and others are more proactive. There’s no right or wrong way to date. And maybe there are rules but personally I don’t believe in them and I don't follow them. I've always sort of marched to the beat of my own drum, and I guess it applies here as well.

I believe in doing what’s best for me – I believe in being honest and sincere, truthful, and open. I’m not about to play games or have people guessing… I don’t believe in waiting around or playing hard to get and I will never ever chase anyone. I will let someone know, however, if I find them interesting… smart, attractive, whatever the case may be.  A compliment is never a bad thing. I believe in paying it forward… in saying something nice. I may be more of a risk taker than some. I may be willing to go out a little on that limb, even if it scares me. 

I wasn’t always this way. I used to have to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I still don’t like to leave it, but I can pull my own self out pretty well these days. It’s a hard thing to do. That thing called fear can be a monster. It can be debilitating. But if we don't approach this monster then we’ll never learn to tame it and we'll never really be doing ourselves any favors. And what’s a future without a chance? What’s a future without hope, promise or opportunity? And so dating is a little bit like that. Dating, with all its ups and downs, is a chance at hope, promise and opportunity. You have to look at it that way. And even if you get shot down, even if your heart gets broken or your ego gets bruised, it’s all a good thing. It’s still hope, promise and opportunity. You get knocked down, you pull yourself up. 

As for me and my journey I keep going along my merry way. I’m still the girl with the dreams. I’m still the girl who believes in the fairy tale. I’m still the girl who believes her Prince Charming will come someday… My prince may not be perfect, for I – the girl – am not perfect, but he will be perfect for me… in his own way he will be my knight in shining armor… even if he has no horse, just a 10 speed bike… My Prince will be there to encourage me, support me and cheer me on… and I will do the same.  

Ok, now I think this has inspired me to write that article!