Gather 'round the table

I'm sitting on the couch in my flannels watching America's Biggest Loser, and I just finished eating a Reese's Peanut Butter cup. I can't tell you how good it tasted. Might have been the best one I have ever had. I ate it slowly - deliberately. I savored the chocolate and the peanut butter and let them melt in my mouth, I let them roll around on my tongue. I can't do that when the children are here because, as you know if you have kids, they want what you have and they never let you eat and enjoy anything in peace. Those two peanut butter cups were my dinner. I love not having a proper dinner. I never go all out for myself. If I'm home and not out I often have a salad or soup, or leftovers if I have any. I never cook just for myself. The peanut butter cups were a decadent treat. I deserved them. Or so I'm telling myself such at the moment!

The children are at their dad's so I don't have to make a proper dinner. When they're here with me I try to have a proper family meal at least 4 days a week. Sometimes that's impossible but we do our best. I try my hardest. It's important to me - It's important in our family structure and dynamic. I think the family dinner is less about the food than it is about communication, bonding and closeness. We share what we've done during the day, to some degree... but more often than not we engage in some sort of conversation. I try to work on their manners but sometimes my efforts are futile. While table manners are important, more important to me now - at this point in our lives - is the feeling of family and closeness. We're a pretty tight knit bunch and I work hard to keep it that way. The kids may argue, disagree and fight, but in the end they get along well and I know they all adore each other. I work hard at cultivating this. While the older two often take off and do their own thing for part of the weekend, the majority of the weekend is ours - together - to be active, creative, or to do nothing at all. I encourage this bonding as I know they'll have these memories for the rest of their lives. And I do hope they remain close for the rest of their lives.

I have no brothers or sisters and save for a short phase during my childhood I really didn't want any. I grew up in New York City and I was surrounded by my friends. Many lived in my building and others were a quick walk away. I was rarely bored or lonely for a friend. It wasn't until I got much older - it wasn't until I was going through my divorce that I wished for a sibling. I had friends - many wonderful, supportive friends - by my side, but friends aren't siblings. It's hard to explain. As my parents get older and more set in their ways, and less tolerant of my children, and my ways of parenting, I wish I had a sibling - someone I could confide in and no matter what be by me and support me. I'm fortunate to have both parents, but I often feel as though I'm the only one in my family save for my children. I don't miss my marriage, but I miss the support I had when I was married from my extended family. There are times when friends simply are not family. And so for this reason I am nurturing the relationships that my three have with each other. I see it so much stronger today than when it was when the family broke up. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this is all from my hard work and I cannot tell you how grateful and happy this makes me feel. I don't want them to ever feel alone, I want them all to feel that they're all there for one another, no matter what.

I met this single dad not long ago. And while I applauded his taking his kids full time, I questioned some things he said. There seemed to be a lot of excuse making. "We can't have a family dinner. It's my only time to go to the gym." Or "We can't have a family dinner because the children can't sit at the same table without fighting." And he used the fact he couldn't cook as an excuse. I don't care if we order take out, family time is so important. I would love nothing more than to go to the gym every day. But I would never sacrifice my time with the children for a workout - from time to time, or a couple of times of week, of course. But not every day! I don't make excuses and my children are a priority. Needless to say, I decided that single dad and I didn't have enough in common and our parenting styles were simply way too different. My house is more than just a place for my children to eat and sleep. My house is my home and in my home we bond and we make time to enjoy one another. And even if we're sitting on the couch watching TV or playing on iPads or working on laptops the most amazing conversations can strike at any time. So even though our homes are filled with those moments where we're doing "nothing" - that nothing is often something big.

We work long hours and the children are in school all day. The dinner table is really our only time to connect. Afterwards the children return to their homework and I'm tackling whatever needs my own attention. My kids fight at the table too. Of course they do. They're kids. They're human. I'm sure all kids do to a certain degree. But it's my job as a parent to handle this properly and to cease the fighting. Fighting is a poor excuse. And then around the dinner table comes responsibility. Not only are the children to have manners, but they have responsibility. They need to help set and clear the table and in some cases to do the dishes. I cook for them. I love to cook for them, but I will not wait on them hand and foot. Being a part of a family has rewards and perks but it also has responsibility. So when you look at the entire picture, the family dinner is so much more than just a dinner. It matters not whether you are a gourmet chef, make a killer pb+j or prefer to order take-out - gather your children around the table. You will be so very happy you do!