I hope you dance...

A dear friend is going through a tough time... when it seemed things couldn't possibly get worse or more challenging her bottom fell out beneath her challenging her even more, mentally, physically spiritually. In hearing her words I was brought back to those dark days when my bottom fell out beneath me as well... Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, bam, they did. I cried a lot. I worried a lot, and although I am not religious, I suppose in my own way I prayed a lot too. I didn't think I would make it. I didn't think I could take any more. But I had no choice but to go on... one foot in front of the other... I had to take my babysteps to get to the other side. Slowly, gradually and steadily I got there. I never once turned back. I never once looked back. I had no desire to do so.

I still haven't look back and I never will. I am here, happier, better, stronger and much more self assured. I am proud of who I have become and who I am becoming and all that I have yet to learn and be... and see and do... and taste and touch and feel. They were tough times. I don't think of them often but every once in awhile I am brought back and when that happens I can feel the pain and sadness with all the same intensity as I did back then. But that's ok. I want to feel it. I am surprised by how raw I still feel... I want to remember it and how I felt and how sad I was... This pain and sadness makes me more empathetic and tolerant towards others.... to what they are going through... to their feelings and emotions.

Those were sad days. Deep, dark, black sad days... and when I look back I remember the pain, the sorrow, the angst... I was not me. And determined as I was, I knew I wanted the real me back. I knew I would get the real me back. And I have. I am here and strong and so very happy and content with my life. Even when things don't turn out the way I want, I am still in a really good place. I want my friend to be in a good place too... I know she will be. But she must be patient and steady... she must give faith a fighting chance, she mustn't fear the mountains in the distance and more than anything, I want her to know that when one door closes I hope one more opens...

To D... I hope you dance...

This has to be one of my favorite songs... Listen to it carefully... take in the lyrics and DANCE!

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I love you!

XOXO,

Jessica