On divorce :: A open letter to two dear friends...

Dear Elsie and Lulu*,

I started this blog - open letter, journal, diary - whatever you want to call it - to help sort my own feelings, fears, confusions, and to share my journey with others. As I entered into this new world I had no idea where I was going, no idea where I'd land and no idea what to expect. In my case, I had to make a decision and take a blind leap of faith. I'd done something I had never done before - I had taken a chance with no safety net below me. I had stepped out of my comfort zone. I had done this while wearing a blindfold. Whether you are making this decision or whether the decision has been made for you, I want to assure you that everything will be alright. Really, it will. I have learned, over the past few years, that everything works itself out - maybe not as we have envisioned, but it does.

In my life, I had never been a chance-taker. I had never been a risk-taker. I wanted and needed my safety net. I had a terrible fear of change. I knew it at the time, but it's become more and more clear. I can truly say that I missed out on some amazing opportunities in my life because of this. And yet, I had some great things come to me because of this as well. I cannot look back. I cannot change. I do not want anything to change.

I have learned and grown so much over these past couple of years and for that I am truly grateful and appreciative. I have lost some friends and I have gained some friends. The truest of friends have been by my side regardless of where they live. A friend of mine said that a friendship is like a garden and it needs tending to. Neglected friendships, like neglected gardens die. The most magnificent gardens have both mature and new plantings and they coexist in the most beautiful ways. Don't forget to tend your gardens, my dear friends,  for you'll want them for peace, solace, their beauty and their friendly, soothing voices.

I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, 2 years ago or even last year. This isn't to say that the core of my being has changed - it hasn't at all - but it is to say that I am such a better, warmer, kinder, more understanding person. I'm for the most-part calmer (though I do have my moments) and I am for the most part a much more patient person (though I do have my moments.) I am at peace and I have found peace. The journey, as tough as it was, was well worth it. You will hit peaks and valleys and twists and turns. I hope you can stay strong and sail when the wind is behind you and adjust your sails when the course gets more challenging. And when you think the challenge is just too much and you simply cannot take any more, know that I am here and I can walk and talk you through it. And the knowing that tomorrow is always a new day always helped me. I can tell you this for sure - the sun really will come out tomorrow!

You will want to scream and cry and throw things. And you should. You shouldn't deny yourselves these emotions. But, by the same token, allow yourself to smile and laugh... smiles and laughter are contagious and they will take you far.

I remember how free and liberating I felt when I started this new journey. Don't get me wrong, I was scared - terrified in fact, but I knew that I had been sad and lonely for too long. I knew that the life I was living wasn't mine. I knew the person I was at the time wasn't really me. I knew I couldn't live that life for the rest of my days. And so taking the first step from my old life meant I was taking a step toward my new life. I walked around, for the first time in a long time, full of hope and promise and dreams of things to come. You are both young and your lives ahead have so very much to offer.

I do not see divorce as a death or a terrible thing. I see it as a second chance and an opportunity to live my life the way I want to and to build new dreams and learn new things and meet all sorts of wonderful new people along the way. How many people get second chances? I look at this as the most amazing gift of all.

So, know this, as I am on the other side. I have found my rainbow and my peace. You will too.

Our stories, no matter how different, are really all very much alike.  But you are both strong and amazing women and you will be just fine. I promise you.

XOXO,

Jessica

 *names have been changed to protect privacy