Getting back in the dating saddle again

First I have to tell you all that my diet begins on Monday. Not tomorrow because it's my Birthday and not Sunday because I will want leftover Birthday cake, but on Monday! I'm dying over here. I have no idea when this happened but my middle and my derriere seem to have expanded over night. I work out several times a week when I can... but I guess I've been hitting the baguette and the cheese and the wine a bit too hard. Ugh! Truthfully, part of me says screw it! I don't care any more, but part of me really does care. I don't love how I feel. I hate my muffin top. Muffin tops are not sexy.

I've talked a lot over the course of the past year or so about body shape and body image. There are skinny girls who are insecure and large girls who are totally at ease with themselves and exude confidence and sexiness. It all begins upstairs. In the head. So much of how we feel comes from upstairs. Our mindset is our greatest asset, tool, weapon and it can be our greatest downfall. To others I may not look any differently, but I feel differently. And it bothers me. Terribly. In three years 10 pounds have slowly crept back on... I've gone up a full dress size. It frustrates me so that some of my clothes are tight or no longer fit and I positively refuse to buy up a size. I've not bought much in the past year because of this. I refuse to. I must get myself back on track. Not because I look terribly, I know I don't. But I don't like the way I feel... that uncomfortable in your skin feeling... feeling bloated all the time. So for me, it's really more about comfort than body image.

I'm not out there to impress anyone. Not even myself.
I know how to put myself together and have become a master at hiding my flaws.
But that's not at all what it's about.
It's about feeling good within. The whole my body is my temple thing... forget it! That's not what I'm after... I just want my jeans to feel loose again. I'm a healthy eater and I eat really well... but I live a fairly social life that has me out and about all the time... and those little calories are hiding everywhere! And let's face it. I'm old. Well, I'm getting older and I definitely cannot eat the way many of my friends can. And as my business grows I have less time to spend in the gym and spend more time out and about. It's a great place to be -I'm not complaining. But still, I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. And no one can say anything to change that.

I talked a little bit about dating in my last piece. I mentioned that for the most part men aren't seeking Barbie or a Supermodel. But some are. I've met a few along the way. Needless to day I basically told them off. I mean, trust me, it's not as though they were any Ken or GI Joe, either. I'm no silent wallflower, as I am sure you all have gathered! I tell people right off the bat - if you're looking for Barbie, then I'm not your girl.

I remember meeting, for the very first time, the man I ended up dating for about 4 months last summer. I remember telling him that my days of diets and starving myself were over. I remember telling him that I worked out a lot and took care of myself but I really enjoyed good food and wine and that I wasn't going to sacrifice anything just to get back into a size 2. I was looking closely at his face to watch his reaction... without a moment's hesitation he said "that's good. I think a woman is much sexier when she has lived a full life..." I remember him telling me that he thought C-section scars were sexy, and that he didn't want someone who hadn't been through and experienced life. I believed him... then and now. He was, I have to admit, hot and I couldn't find anything close to a C-section scar on his body... But you know what? Men, like women, come in all shapes and sizes. And just like us, there are plenty of men who have lived life and they are sexy. I think, you get to a certain point in your life where your definition of sexy/hot/whatever word you choose to use changes. In our youth we wanted looks... Now we tend to go after personality, humor, intellect... Now of course looks are important... but to a certain degree... Chemistry is the ingredient to attraction. Chemistry is what separates the friend from the lover, but there must also be intellect... personality and yes, humor. Chemistry without those simply doesn't last.

You have to know what you're looking for. You have to know what's important to you. You may know this initially, or not. I had a rough idea of what I was looking for, but I think I really knew after dating several people. It was almost like each man had certain traits that I adored and some that I did not. I had to see which of those traits were important to me and which weren't. And then all the pieces of the puzzle have to fit. So the man from last summer who adored women's imperfections, I knew off the bat that this was not a long term affair, but I adored being with him. We had fun and laughter and some incredibly deep conversations... and the chemistry... well it was incredible too... yet I knew that something was missing. And so off I went looking for it... there were a lot of misses (strange, weird, boring, dull, or just wrong) but I kept dating and meeting people and for the most part I thoroughly enjoyed it - the process and getting to know them... but there were times when I was frustrated as well.

Where am I now? I've got a pretty special person by my side and he's been around for a little while now. Where are we going? Who's to say - we have a lot to learn yet... Dating after divorce, especially as parents to teenagers, is quite complicated. We have to factor in a lot more than if we had no children or young children.  We potentially bring 5 other people into our relationship - but before that happens, we really need to figure out where we are going, if indeed anywhere, and how those 5 other young people fit in... and will our lifestyles mesh... Can this work out? Is there potential for long term possibility? Dating, when you have older children, is complex. There really isn't a yes or no answer. A friend of mine not long ago suggested that I was over that new relationship hump. I told her that this was not at all the case. I'm still in the thick of  everything. You can't know right off the bat if it is or isn't... You just can't. But being in a place where you want to find out what may potentially lie ahead, is a very good place to be. The moment I feel it not to be right, I end it. I've spent too many years with the wrong person - I won't ever do that again. I've got my second chance, as have many of you. And this I can say for certain - I'm getting it right this time!