Divorced ... and dating

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That caught your attention, didn't it?!

Many of us panic and wonder 'what do I do?' and 'how do I do it?' I think the best thing to do is to just put yourself out there. Let others know that you are back on the dating scene. There are some great online dating sites, and it's always a great idea to tell your good friends, neighbors, and work associates that you want to get out there and meet people. Go ahead, ask them if they have any single friends. Chances are someone knows someone. And people, women especially, love to play the role of matchmaker! My friend Allegra was one such person. She tried, boy did she try. My dear friend had more misses than hits with me, but truth I appreciated her efforts and they were good exercises for me.

It's hard to get back out there when you've been married for 14 years. It's hard to get back out there when you're in your 40s (or 30s or 50s) but it's also nice to get back out there when you're in your 40s (or 30s or 50s) and I will tell you why. Truth be told, there's less bullshit. For the most-part men and women want the same thing and there's no game playing. I happen to be outgoing. I happen to love talking to people. I hate small talk, but love deep, intellectual conversation. My view on dating, I think, is a healthy view. When I go out on a date I'm not shopping for a husband or even a boyfriend. I'm simply looking to have a nice evening... maybe with a glass of wine or two, possibly a meal. For the most part the men I have dated were all really lovely, and even if there was no "spark," "magic" or "chemistry" I still had some lovely evenings. Dating can be frustrating and it can be exhausting, but it can be a wonderful experience as well. And let me tell you something. Men love women. Men think women are beautiful. They worship the ground we walk on. And really, why shouldn't they, right?!

But before you are ready to start dating, you really need to ask yourself whether you are ready to do so. You really need to have moved on from your divorce emotionally. You shouldn't harbor anger or feelings of ill-will toward your ex or regarding your marriage. You shouldn't feel sad, remorseful or resentful. If so you may not be ready. How you feel about your current situation will absolutely present itself, and no one wants to date someone who is negative, angry or depressed.

The other important thing is to be physically ready to get out there. For some of us this is the biggest challenge. Body image is at the forefront of our thoughts and worries. We spend too much time obsessing and worrying about our bodies. As we get older our bodies change. It happens and there's not much we can do about it. Add to that the ravages of multiple pregnancies and childbirth and I know there are times when I'd just assume hide under a coat of armor! The physical challenge, for me, was and is the hardest.We are naturally hard on ourselves. We are our own worst critics. I'm not saying men are shallow creatures, though some are, and I have encountered some. Fortunately, most are not. Most men appreciate women as we are...  our softness, curves, and the changes that happen to us, naturally, over time. Yes, some men want Barbie, but I am pleased to tell you that most do not. For the most part, men are looking for the same things we are... they are looking for someone to talk to... someone to care for... someone to care for them... They're looking for passion and compassion... someone to go on adventures with... someone to hang out with... I know... Over the past couple of years I've met and talked with a lot of men... I've dated quite a few too... some short term, some a little longer. I really do know what they are looking for.

I'll share some of my experiences, the good, the bad and the positively hilarious in the near future.

I think, as women, we need to tell ourselves how great we are. Sometimes we focus on our weaknesses and shortcomings and pay no attention to our strengths.  But we have many and we need to play them up. We're funny and smart and caring and nurturing... and we are beautiful. I truly believe that when we feel beautiful we exude beautiful.

So, your now divorced - or separated - you're not dead. In fact you should feel very much alive! You've just been given a second chance. How amazing is that? You've just been given the opportunity to put your best foot forward and start all over again. This is the most incredible opportunity... So go ahead, take that leap... step outside of your comfort zone and SPARKLE! Maybe you'll even meet your true soulmate. Wouldn't that be wonderful?!