Do you sweat the small stuff?

How are you when it comes to life's daily stresses? Do you handle them with calm and grace or do your feathers get all ruffled? I can handle life's greatest stressors with ease. Give me the toughest challenge... give me an obstacle to overcome and I'm your gal. I may stop and pause for a moment, assess the situation and then, roll up my sleeves and dig in. I may just take a big jump, that blind leap of fate, from the platform with my eyes shut... I may run and not walk. But the little things get me. They get me all the time.

As I navigated the tumultuous and murky waters of divorce, looking back I can say that I did so with both grace and dignity. I was grace under pressure. I was strong and sure. Of course I had fear and trepidation. Of course I had great sadness and anger, but somehow I was able to keep my wits together to travel the journey, often alone. I kept the faith. I knew, that no matter how bad things got (and they got really really bad) that I would get through it... I knew that tomorrow would be a better day... I knew that I would get to the rainbow at the end of my tunnel. And I was right. And I came through that tunnel and I am standing there, proudly, by my rainbow. (I am however, waiting to get to that pot of gold!) Life's big challenges, to me, are totally doable.

I have a really hard time with the small stuff, however. Really hard.
In college my closest friends called me "Stressica."  Stressica then became "Stress" short for Jess... To this day I can still expect to pick up the phone to a "Hi Stress!"
What college kid has worries? I did...

I stress about stupid things. Little things that in the end always work themselves out. I'm not sure why I do this but I do. Maybe it's my desire and need to have total control over my life... but so much of our lives are out of our control... out of our hands. I know this. I know this more than anyone. Never in a million years did I ever see myself as a divorced single mother. This isn't how I played my life out in my head when I was a child. But that's OK, because when I look back on everything, I have very, very few regrets. Certainly, I have no regrets over any of the decisions I have made. Good or bad they are all part of who I am. Good or bad they have made me who I am... bigger, better, stronger and yes, happier. I am happy with my life. I am at ease and at peace. It's a very good place to be. However, I still stress. I still panic. I think I always will.

I worry about my children - as we all do. I worry about not being able to support them. This is about 99% of my worries. I worry about not being able to give them the best that I can give them. And for some crazy reason, I have this unrational fear of being homeless and destitute. Perhaps you are reading this and saying "that's crazy!" and thinking that I am a bit rediculous. But it happens. It happens to good people. Successful people with good homes. I think, perhaps, this is constantly in the back on my mind. And I think because of this when something small happens, I see it as a major stressor or major setback.

I have a lot to figure out yet. We all do. It's part of life. I am sure when I am old and gray I will still be trying to figure things out.

When Alexander dropped and smashed my iPad a few weeks ago, I should have said it's really not that big of a deal. I should have said that I purchased the Apple care plan and that I could get a replacement for a mere $50 (compared to the price of a new one.) Instead that $50 seemed like an enormous number. As though spending $50 would somehow gravely impact our lifestyle and our needs. Of my monthly budget it's really no more than $12 a week. But that's not how I saw it.

I bought a brand new couch in May which finally arrived, after an incredible wait, in September. I bought a white couch with a custom made slipcover that I was told was washable. I learned that it wasn't. I learned this the hard way. I was literally reduced to tears. How is it that something gets ruined here on a daily basis. How is it possible to get ahead when I am constantly set back?

I went to the store where I bought the couch and covers. I went there in tears. I pleaded my story. I explained what happened. I should never have been told that I could wash the cover. But I was. And what's done was done. I wasn't given much hope. The manager felt badly for me. She could do nothing to replace the cover and suggested I called corporate. I've dealt with the corporate offices before. I had that 5 month wait to get my couch in the first place. A new custom made cover would run me $900. Plus tax. Ugh... It was suggested that I go to the company website and plead my case.

I went home in tears and not very hopeful. I went home thinking I would have to dig into my savings to have a new cover made. I wrote an email, pleading my case but careful with each and every word I used. I started shopping around. I started looking a cheap and temporary covers. I started contacting people who might be able to make me a new cover.

As I was working yesterday afternoon I was checking an email. There was one from the company. I was told that I would have a new cover made and shipped to me. And please never to wash it unless I sent it to the dry cleaners. Oh my gosh.... I never expected this... Yipppeee! The worry of coughing up close to a thousand dollars can now be put to bed. Meantime, I rewashed the slipcover, dried in partially on a cool cycle, and put it back on the couch to try to stretch it out. It's better. It's not perfect. The back won't zipper but it'll do in the meantime as I wait for the new one to arrive.

So that was, for me, a classic case of everything working out as it's supposed to. And this happens all the time. In the end, everything really will be OK... I need to keep repeating this... this needs to become my mantra!

Repeat after me: Everything will be OK... Everything will be OK... Everything WILL be OK!

XOXO,

Jessica