Make new friends, keep the old - One is silver the other, gold!

I've been meaning to write. It's so hard lately to sit and compose and just get lost in my thoughts and organize them and put them in to words. It's been a strange couple of weeks. Thanksgiving was lonely. The children were with their dad for a couple of days. I'm not sure when I will get used to that. We've always rotated Thanksgiving and so I will have them with my family next year. I'd been sort of dreading the day for a whole week leading up to the day. I had pushed it out of my head. I had been in denial that the day was actually coming. And then I had to get the kids up, dressed and ready... ready to leave me. I love being alone. I truly love it and I am so rarely lonely but on that day I was. I just wanted it over.

It's funny in so many ways divorce is like death. You go through the same feelings and emotions. Whether by choice or not it is always a sad thing. It marks the end of an era and the end of a dream. And with both we must move on. We must pick ourselves up and move on. We will grow stronger and better. I don't ever look back on anything I have done as a mistake. I believe everything has been a lesson... I don't believe in mistakes. I do believe in lessons. Our decisions are a part of us, our past and our journey.

This time last year I was surrounded by people and friends. Well wishing and well meaning, checking up on me and making sure that I was OK, that I had what I needed, what I wanted. And due to my schedules and the children's school schedules this seems not to happen. As if out of sight is out of mind. It's a strange thing. I've always had a group of close friends around me. They were comfort and safety. I no longer have this. I am not entirely sure why this is. Perhaps we are all just too busy and too wrapped up in our busy lives. It's a selfish reason, really, isn't it? But it's a strange thing not to have. Truthfully, I find it unsettling. I have always prided myself in my friends - never taking them for granted but realizing that each is indeed a gift... the new and the old much like a song my daughter sang when she was a Brownie.

Make new friends
Keep the old.
One is silver,
And the other, gold.

I've always wondered how hard it was to pick up the phone, even send an email and ask someone how their day was... I've reached out to a couple of frriends over the past couple of years but after not hearing back I have chosen not to continue the friendships. I don't want fairweathered friends ... those who want to be around me when times are good but who run when times aren't. That said, now that I've entered a new phase in my life, I do wonder why some have seemingly disappeared. I question the word and the value of true friendship. I know who my true friends are, near and far, but I can't help but wonder what happened to some of the others...

Now to Alexander and his school. He's still there. He's not loving it but seems to be tolerating it at the moment. I'm still up in the air as to what to do. There are a couple of other options but I don't love them. One option has class sizes as large as his and the other option would only help us out for two more years. And then what, go through this again? I can't do that to him either...

I've always thought that a school's parent body is pretty telling of a school's personality. For three months I have gone to the same spot to wait for my child at the end of the day. For three months the same mothers, now nameless, familiar faces, have seen me walk over to the pick up area. And not once in the entire three months has one person ever attempted to talk to me or say hi to me... I've truly never experienced such unfriendliness before...


So I want to ask you all to do this. If you know someone who has been through a significant and life-changing event in their life, remember them not only when the moment is tough, but remember them afterwards too, because sometimes that's when they really need to know you're there. If you see a new face at school or at the office, and if they smile to you, say hello... it's so simple but so significant.

Thank you!

XOXO

Jessica