my empty nest

My daughter left for Maine about 10 days ago to spend the month with her cousin and grandmother. My boys took off for the week with their father, to join their sister and a gaggle of cousins, last Saturday. This is the second time they've taken off without me. Last summer I endured a tearful week missing them terribly. This is not to say that I did not go out and enjoy myself, but I missed them something fierce. Neither is this to say that I am not missing them this summer, but I'm truly relishing the peace and quiet that an empty house brings. I'm enjoying not having to sweep up sandy floors, mop up spills, put dishes away on a daily, no, make that hourly basis. I do not miss being interrupted while trying to work on a project or tend to something important. I do not miss the loads laundry or the wet floor outside the shower or changing the sheets or telling them to get off the computer and go outside and play or listening to their whines as I drag them to activities or tell them no that they can't buy candy if they want ice cream later or their screams through the house as I try to make an important phone call. I do miss their snuggles and kisses. I do miss sneaking by their rooms at the crack of dawn and watching them so peaceful in their deep slumbers. I miss their laughter and smiles. I do not miss their constant bickering, endless whining and the great effort it takes to fill up their days.

Truth be told, while I adore the lazy, hazy days of summer, they sure can be hard. My kids are enrolled in a couple of camps this summer, but as I am not working full time I cannot afford to have them booked completely. That said, by the same token because they are around so much I cannot dedicate my time fully to take on new projects that would allow me to send them to camp full time. It's a Catch-22, really. And yes, I do love being with my boys. I love the projects we have done... I loved spending a full day doing nothing but tie-dye and finding everything and anything that was white that we could wrap up with rubberbands and dip into colorful water... I love our explorations on the beach... looking for sea life, collecting shells... and sometimes sitting there and doing nothing. I love spending my time with the boys and I know that these days are fleeting, but I also know that they need more than I can offer. They need to spend more time with their peers. And likewise, it's exhausting for me to constantly be their source of entertainment/education. I've become a school teacher, if you will. I've been lacking on enforcing their summer reading, but we've made up for that in other areas.

Simply put, I miss my boys, but I'm finding my summers with them to be exhausting and draining. Entertaining younger children in the summer is not as challenging. There are library programs and museums, and play groups and activities geared toward younger children. But once kids hit a certain age, they simply become tougher. A library program ain't gonna cut it. The local museums won't either. Of course we can venture into the city and have done so, but these are expensive outings. We had the most wonderful of days when we went to the New York Botanical Gardens a few weeks ago, but alas, we simply cannot go on excursions like this every day. And I cannot have my children sitting around doing nothing every day either... it is a struggle.

So here I am Day 5 into being childless and I won't lie and tell you that I am not simply loving this. I had a very relaxing weekend and didn't do much of anything. Monday and Tuesday were productive days working on projects and running errands that I simply couldn't do with the children. I treated myself to a Calphalon grill pan (to replace the one my ex has) so that I can grill indoors. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me... I'm still saving up for a real grill, however! I purchased some new sheets for my bed and a massive framed mirror that nearly didn't fit in my car! I've been working on my manuscript, a book review and a small PR project. I met a friend out for lunch and had a glass of wine with it. I made dinner with a friend at a friend's house. I cleaned and steamed my kitchen floors. I keep forgetting to water all my plants. I still have to bring up all the laundry in my basement. I've been to the gym 4 out of those 5 days.I treated myself to Pinkberry for dessert last night. I've taken a couple of naps. Just quick ones... in the middle of the day! I'm recharging my batteries. I'm getting a lot accomplished. It feels fabulous. I may suggest to you instead of taking a vacation with your family that you send your family away on vacation so that you can stay home... alone! (Because really, we all know vacations aren't really vacations, they're just trips that make you yearn for a vacation!) There's a lot to be said for the Staycation. A lot!

I haven't spoken to the kids much. My daughter and I check in via text several times a day. My ex will send pictures of the kids - the older two actually hugging - proof that indeed they do love each other! And the Jack-o-Lantern my 6 year old now resembles with what seems to be more gaps than teeth in his mouth at the moment! Talking to them on the phone is fairly futile. They have nothing to say. Nothing! How can that be? How can I have not seen you in 5 days and you have absolutely nothing to say to me? Honestly, getting the older two to talk to me is like trying to pry teeth from a baby, or in this case, my 6 year old... I know, there's too much distraction and I am not nearly as interesting as what's going on around them now... Luckily Alexander still likes to talk to me on the phone and I heard all about the beach and the ice cream and candy and Christopher's new book called Making Whoopie... luckily they are referring to Whoopie Pies (he loves to cook) and not the act of!  Alexander tells me everything and completely makes up for the time the other two won't speak to me... so much so that I have to actually pry him off the phone!

I'm looking forward to the next few days and I'm looking forward to getting the boys back on Sunday... but not to the 6 loads of laundry that will accompany them!