A letter for a friend...

Divorce is a long and difficult journey filled with many hills and valleys... There are bumps and potholes along the way. It will test our strength and our limits. It will push us farther than we ever thought we could be pushed. It will bring us up to new heights and sink us down to new lows. We'll feel great about ourselves and we'll feel horribly about ourselves. It's a journey toward new and rebirth as we learn to shed our old skins, ways and habits. It's unknown and uncharted territory. It's the road less traveled. It can be a scary place. But it doesn't have to be.

Throughout my journey I kept a journal that was meant for my eyes only. It served as a valuable and cathartic tool. It was my Captain's Log, if you will. As I wrote and filled my pages I became more secure and steadfast in my beliefs... I knew I was doing the right thing despite the fact my ex so vehemently disagreed. I wrote about my ups and downs. I wrote about my joy and pain. I shared my experiences with my friends. I cannot keep things bottled up inside. I'm an expressive person and I need to communicate.

As I wrote I gained strength and self confidence. It was amazing to see my own growth on the pages in front of me. I smiled and I wept as I read what I had written not all that long ago. I was so proud of who I had been, who I was becoming and who I will become... I felt amazing. Proud. Accomplished. Strong. Successful. These were not adjectives I would have used to describe myself a year ago, two years ago... three years ago.

I write this because you, my friend, are also traveling down this path. Our lives are vastly different save for the fact that we are both on this journey - this horrible, wonderful and amazing journey.

I wouldn't have used the words wonderful or amazing two years ago, one year ago or even 6 months ago. But I am done. My journey is over. I have landed on the shore with hope and promise for good things to come. Life is rich and sweet. Life is an adventure which must be lived, experienced, touched, tasted, smelled... seen.

I have been living, seeing, touching, smelling, living and experiencing... and it's been nothing but fantastic. I cry rarely these days. My eyes smile, my lips smile, my heart smiles... I want you to know this... it's all there - it's all here, waiting for you and you will be so amazed and relieved when you are here. And you know there will always be challenges, and you know that things won't come easily but you don't care. Because things didn't really come easily before. And you'll have your freedom. That wonderful, blessed thing called freedom. I used to take it for granted. Yes, of course we have obligations and responsibilities and our children will always come first, but you will feel the weight of the world has been lifted from your shoulders. I remember people telling me this. I remember not really understanding. But I'm here now. I've arrived at my happy place. And it is amazing.

I was talking with a friend the other day on the beach... We were discussing the first year and all the changes that have come our way and all the changes still to come... that we are still on our journeys and everything will fall into place. And I stopped dead in my tracks and I said "if nothing changes, and everything stays as it is, if this is as good as it gets... then I am happy. I am really, truly happy." I say this for you, to you because I want you to know that you have friends near and far supporting you and cheering you on... You're almost there... You're almost here. I know it seems so far away, but it's really not.


I've said many times over that I do not think that divorce is a bad thing. I think it is often a necessary thing. Sometimes we hurt and there is not fixing the hurt. Sometimes we are broken and there is no fixing it... Sometimes divorce is the only answer.


It has been the most singularly amazing and growing journey in my life. I have gotten so strong. I have grown so much. I have learned so much about myself and others around me... the world around me... I have become more patient, kinder, more understanding... I truly appreciate the good in others, the beauty around me... The world is a beautiful place. The world can be a very kind place. I have no room, no need and no desire for negativity in my life. I simply won't allow it near me anymore.


You've come a long way kiddo and you'll go far... You'll go very far!


XOXO

Jessica