Home.

I'm home now.

I've been in my new home for nearly two weeks. We're all settling in well - better than well, in fact - and our new homes and new lives are starting to take shape. It's harder for the children, for the older two, being shuffled from home to home, back and forth. I see a struggle to remember school books and clothes and general items. I do hope it's because we are still new to this routine and that as time passes everything will flow seamlessly. The children would prefer to stay with me. I love that they love their new home, new bedrooms and feel comfortable here in a new environment. I worked hard to settle in immediately. I worked on the kitchen first as the kitchen is always the hub to any home. Next was our main living space which serves as entryway, living room and office. I had to decorate and organize to accommodate the various uses for this room. The bedrooms are next. I have new bedding and beds for the children. Now it's time to accessorize, to make their rooms their own. Due to financial constraints, their bedroom transformations will not take place over night. But I am constantly seeking out new ideas and inspirations that I can apply. 

Meanwhile the rest of my life seems to be falling into place as well. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle, it took time... day by day, over two years, each piece was painstakingly put into place. There were many days I thought the puzzle would never be completed. There were days where it seemed as though I had been working on the puzzle for months and yet there seemed to be no accomplishment; too many pieces were still out of place... there was no clear image of what was to come.

The pain was at times horrendous. The anger, spite and animosity hurled at me was more than I ever expected. More than I thought I or anyone else deserved. There were days where I thought I could not take another step... couldn't get out of bed... couldn't stop the flow of my tears... but I couldn't turn back. I could look back but I certainly wasn't going back to where I started. The journey, as long as it had been, was not over. I knew that. I braced myself. I was determined. Perhaps more determined and focused than I had ever been in my life. I saw a rainbow. I saw sunshine. I saw freedom and happiness. I wanted it all and I would do everything in my power to get there. The mind is a powerful thing. I knew I had to work hard. I knew  I had to persevere... I had to remain focused. I knew that my health and happiness were at stake. I had to take control of my life and my future. And I did. 

I am proud of how far I have come. I am proud of how strong I have become. I am proud of the woman I have become. I am strong-willed and determined. I am now free. I am now at peace and am the happiest I have been in many, many years. I have found myself. I have found peace. I have found inner peace. I know that sounds hokey, but anyone who's had a long and trouble-filled journey and made it out to see the other side will surely understand.

I will never sit back and let life pass me by. I will be an active participant. I will never again be a spectator. Each and every day is a new experience. It is truly a gift. Each and every person that has come in to my life is truly a gift. Even those I don't see anymore. I have taken from friendships and meetings and acquaintances memories and lessons that will last a lifetime. I have learned a lot... I have listened closely and chosen my paths wisely. 

I get it now.

Last September I quite literally ran into an old boyfriend. I had a meeting in a nearby town and afterward took a stroll around. I saw him standing, leaning against a building, plunking away on his iPhone. "Holy Shit!" I thought to myself. It couldn't be... could it? I hadn't seen him in 20 years, but it was absolutely him. No mistaking it! I said his name and he looked up from his phone. He recognized me instantly as well. He looked the same, really the same, save for that the blond had turned grey. A great big bear hug and a mile-wide smile ensued. Great old friends are the best kinds of friends to run into. I was 24 when we dated. He was a bit older. Successful, driven, motivated, fun, child-like in the best way. My memories of him were fond ones. So, fast forward 20 years and there we were. We decided to grab a bite to each and catch up on lost time. We reminisced about the good old days and shared laughs and memories. We filled each other in on our current state of affairs. 

This is where I see that there are no coincidences in life. My friend Tamara turned me on to a book a few years ago called When God Winks... People happen into our lives for a reason. There are no mistakes. Pay attention to God's winks. Be open to people and situations around you and all the valuable lessons you can learn and the insight you can take with you. This old boyfriend would again be an important figure in my life. His experience and wisdom and advice (not always taken!) would end up being spot on. We have had many conversations where he said "I told you so!" And yes, yes he did. And one of the many things he told me was that when my journey was over I would feel as though the weight of the world would forever be lifted off of my shoulders. I would feel a sense of freedom and peace I had never felt before. And he was right. I have arrived. I am happy. I am smiling. I am free. I am weightless. I am recharged. I am ready to live and travel and see and do. I am ready to tackle all that may come my way!

I'm home now. I'm truly home!

XOXO

Jessica