Don't be afraid to dream...

It's funny. You can have two people look at the same object and see two entirely different things. I love that, in fact. I love that someone can open my eyes to new and different ways of looking at things. It may not change the way I feel, but I will have been influenced in a new way. I am an optimist. I always have been and always will be. It's just how I was raised. I was brought up to see the very best in my circumstance and see the very best in others. My mother taught me from a very young age that I am very fortunate. I should always be grateful for what I do have and not worry about what I don't have... There will always be those who have more than me. And those who have less. Just as there will always be someone richer, prettier and skinnier than me. It's simply a fact of life. What separates me from many others is my ability to focus on what I do have. Of course, we all have wants and needs and desires. I need a vacuum. I need some more lamps. The boys need a dresser. I want a grill. I want a pot rack. But what do I have? A charming home filled with the items I covet and love. Items that represent my past. Items that have remarkable importance as family heirlooms, keepers of the memories. I have a small space. A very small space. But I have never complained about her lack of size. No, the boys can no longer run wildly into play rooms and down long hallways, but the boys can always be comforted in knowing that there's always a loved one near by. My children and I have a new closeness. We have a bond. We have a bond like no bond we've had before.

It's normal to want. Desire is part of the human spirit. But it's how we chose to channel our wants that matters. It's what we plan on doing to get them that's of greatest significance. Sometimes want and desire help us along. Sometimes they help us to achieve our goals and accomplish our dreams. I don't think wanting is a bad thing. I think it's a very good thing. I tell my children this all the time. Children should have wants. They shouldn't have everything handed to them. When my children want something, they have to work to earn it.

Want can also be a bad thing. When wanting is turned into a negative, it can be a terrible thing. When want turns into jealousy and anger, it's a bad thing. It's not fair to compare yourself or your situation to someone else. Just like no two people are alike, no two situations are.

I try to take stock in what I have every day.

But I am human. I got all pissy last night. I was frustrated by what I didn't have. My home, save for the kitchen and bathrooms, have no ceiling lights. All source of light comes from lamps. Many of our rooms are not well enough lit. My boys are living out of laundry baskets for the time being. (I am sure this bothers me much more than it bothers them!) My floor was dirty and I needed to vacuum it. The broom and dustpan thing get old fast. I was making my bed and one of the feet on the frame broke. I wasn't having the greatest evening. I could have gotten really upset and I could have placed blame and I could have moped around but I know that wouldn't have done any good. It wasn't going to fix my bed. Or add adequate lighting. Or make a vacuum cleaner appear magically out of nowhere. Instead I looked around and took stock. My children were playing a game together on the kitchen table and laughing and having a great time. The television was off as it had been the entire part of the afternoon they were with me. My house is lovely. She is small but she is lovely.

I'm writing this because I was inspired by a conversation I had with a very good friend yesterday. This dear friend was having a tough time. She seemed to focus more on what she didn't have rather than what she did have. We are responsible for our paths and our decisions. We can't blame others for something we chose to have happen. If we walk away from the beaten path we can either continue on or go back. I'm not a fan of turning back or looking back. I prefer to look forward, walk forward and discover new territory. Why look back? If we chose to walk away there must have been a reason. We can't blame others for where we're headed. We can't blame others for the decisions we have chosen to make. We must live with them. We must be comfortable enough in our skins and surefooted enough to continue on. If we can't keep walking forward we have only ourselves to blame. Life is a series of adventures. Life is a lesson to be learned. Life is about growing and aging with grace and compassion. Life is about opening up. Life isn't about blaming others, living in the past, harboring anger, holding grudges, or yearning for something lost. Life is forever moving and changing... Life is a thrill... Life is opportunity and chance and hope and dream. Those hopes and dreams lie ahead of us all. Not in the past.

We all need to make peace at some point in our lives. We need to make peace with ourselves and we need to make peace with others. If you harbor animosity or ill-will, resentment, anger, or jealousy you'll never truly move on. Don't hold yourself back. Don't let yourself be held back. Take all that you have and open your arms, put your face to the sun and walk to your dreams. They're there. They're waiting for you. Don't be afraid of them!

XOXO

Jessica