When giving it your best isn't good enough...

I had one of those weekends. One of those bone-exhausting weekends. My weekend started early on a Friday afternoon. My daughter was invited out to a party that night. She wanted to wear a dress. Suddenly girls her age wear dresses. (I'm certainly not complaining about this!) We have no dresses! After years of jeans and sweats and anything not dressy or tidy my daughter suddenly wants to look... nice?!! Well, that nearly sent me to the local ER, but there simply wasn't time. There simply was no time for a heart attack when my teenager was asking to wear... a... dress! I still have a hard time stringing those words together! Anyhow it's sort of the wrong time of year to be dress shopping. It's chilly and winter-like here still. The dresses in all the windows are flowery and bright and Spring-like - not appropriate for us right now. We hit department store after department store. Chain stores... boutiques... We hit it all. She tried on a handful of dresses and none of them fit or looked right. On Friday, I decided to do something really, really, and I mean really stupid. I went on a dress search without her! I know, what was I thinking, right? I'm not entirely sure but I knew that I had to get her a dress. After all, I was 13 once too. I knew how important this party was. I knew how important this dress was.

And off I went. And I hate malls. I reallyreallyreally hate malls.
I'm not the best shopper. I run out of patience. I'm not so good at shopping for myself and I'm worse at shopping for other people. I love to poke around and look, but when it comes to shopping I hate it. When you shop you need something. And when you need something it's never there. Ever. It's simple. It's the truth. This is always how it works... for me at least. It's Murphy's Law, I believe. Well, go on, call me Murphy! I love to window shop and browse because then I'm not really looking for anything in particular... and if I do find something it's fantastic! So there I was, Friday afternoon, at the mall and on a mission. I popped into the stores that hadn't been searched. I found an absolutelyadorable strapless dress at JCrew that reminded me of batik and tie-dye. I picked one up in her size. Even though it was a Spring dress it could be paired with a black sweater (mine) and black heels (also mine.) I was all excited about this purchase. I was more excited to see that it was on sale, a big sale!

But I decided that we needed a backup... or two... just to be safe. We could always return what was not going to be worn. I wandered into H&M which also has cute stuff from time to time. (I love their inexpensive costume jewelry!) The night before Rebecca was so "I'm not going in there. I hate that place! (And you can insert an eye-roll right here too.) And in I went... I found a really cute red dress. I snatched one up in her size, paid and left.

I got home and she was over the moon ecstatic about these two dresses. She tried on the strapless JCrew dress first. It looked adorable on her. "Oh my God, I hate this dress! It looks awful on me! Look at my boobs! I can't wear this dress!"  And off she went. SLAM! Closed the door behind her. She then came out with the red dress. Ok, that one did look horrid. It was too small. I could go up a size for her, I told her. I could run back to the mall and pick up the next size. (Did I really just say that?) And of course she didn't like my suggesting we go up a size... But after the tears and the I have absolutely nothing to wear and now I can't go! she allowed me to go. The two stores are very close to each other so I dashed into JCrew to return the darling strapless dress and then dashed back in to H&M to exchange the red dress for a larger size. And then my eye caught sight of two other cute dresses so I pulled those for her as well. And back home I went. The red dress fit. Perfectly. The off-white dress fit. Perfectly. The white and black color-blocked dress fit. Perfectly. Now we were faced with a different problem... She paired red the dress with my black sweater and shoes and we were all happy.

She had a great time at her party. I was truly happy for her. I would do it all again. I really would.

And then Saturday came. And I thought it would never end. And then Sunday came. And even though we lost an hour, I thought it would never end. The children never, once, not for one moment, ever stopped bickering. Not for one single goddamned moment. I'm not exaggerating here. The least bit. You have to believe me. And if you have kids 2, 3 or more you may have an idea as to what I'm talking about. And arguing gets old. Fast. And the bickering wears you out... grinds you down.... tires you to the core. And suddenly, as though I hadn't put my life on hold for her on Friday, I've suddenly become an unfair mother. She gets snippy. Snide. Rude. Fresh. She loves me one moment and the next, notsomuch. I know, she's a teenager. I was one too. But I'm making great sacrifices of my own to be able to give her, on special occasions, things that she wants. Yes, this is what mothers do. We give and we sacrifice. It's all part of the territory. And we each do so in our own special way. But right now, at this point in my life, I am giving up a lot for my daughter's happiness. She can't have everything. She simply cannot. And even if she could I wouldn't give it to her. I think wanting is important. Waiting for, working for, earning, makes the prize that much sweeter. She got her dress. The rest she will simply have to wait for.

One day she'll get it. One day she'll thank me. And then I'll know I've done a good job and then I'll know it will have been worth it.

XOXO

Jessica