Run Away...

Sometimes running away from your troubles, instead of facing them, is all for the best. I find that when I am overwhelmed by life I end up being less productive instead of more productive. There is good fear and there is bad fear. There is good energy and there is bad energy. Over the past couple of weeks I have experienced more negative energy than I ever have before. I really had no idea how to handle everything piled up on top of me. I literally had the weight of the world upon my shoulders... I was walking down a dark, narrow corridor with a stack of paper piled so high I could not see where I was going. I knew that one wrong move would literally send the papers flying and send me into a tailspin.

It seemed that bad kept getting worse. I wondered what the next day would bring. I kept my chin up. I kept the stiff upper lip. I kept telling myself that everything would be all right and then I would turn the corner and something else would come at me out of left field catching me completely unaware. It was like getting punched in the stomach and getting the wind knocked out of you. And each and every time I thought I could catch my breath, Wham!, another blow. This kept happening day after day, non-stop for two weeks. I started to wonder why. I started to think there would be no end. I started to really doubt myself and all those around me. I started imagining the worst and I started thinking thoughts I had never thought before.

But no matter how deep into the depths of despair I got, someone always found me, even when I sought no one, to help me out. You see, no matter where I turn there are incredibly amazing, wonderful, kind, loving and supportive people. I'm finding that these days, I cannot be alone even if I want to be! But it's all good. It's all wonderful.

A friend told me a week or so ago that I should get away. I should go someplace just to get away. It didn't have to be far and I didn't have to spend a lot of money, but I should definitely get away. And so I sat on this for a while and gave it some serious thought.

And then the opportunity came for me to do so. It fell on my lap and shortly thereafter I had packed up my bags, my car and my cameras and headed to the east toward Cape Cod, Massachusetts. I could feel the weight slowly coming off my shoulders. I could feel the stress starting to melt away. I was starting to feel freer, happier. I was starting to feel like my old self again. I blared the radio as loud as I could and sang along. I found every country station along the way and crooned along. The singing felt good. Actually, I shouted more than I sang. I could feel that the louder I sang the more negative energy was being released. I could feel my blood pumping again. I could feel the music in my body... It felt not much different than a good workout feels. My endorphins were kicking in. I was getting giddy. I was looking forward to my time with my friend.

The sun was starting to set and I could see darkness coming upon me in the distance. Behind me, in my rear view and side view mirrors I was witness to the most amazing, vibrant sunset made up of the richest oranges and pinks. I wanted to snap a picture. I wanted to carry it around me forever. I have it in my memory, and wonder if, like all the others, this one too will fade.

I arrived at my destination, although just five o'clock, and it was as dark as could be outside. It could have been midnight. In the distance I could make out the moon. The full moon would soon be rising over the bay beyond, illuminating us... illuminating everything in our paths.

My friend and I have a long history. We've supported one another through many events over the years including the death of two marriages and the death of a parent. It's always nice to talk to someone who knows you well, who won't judge you but will just let you talk until the words cease to come... Who will just listen because sometimes listening is the best thing to do... Who will then support you with kindness and understanding. And after I was done, when I was quiet and contemplative, I was thanked. I was thanked for being a friend. I was thanked for being there during the difficult and tragic time of the loss of a parent, a mother. A mother who was there for everything, thick and thin, good and bad. Until she no longer could be. Her death was not sudden or quick and so this made everything so much more difficult. I supported as best as I could. I had no idea if I was doing enough... I had no idea if my efforts had even gotten noticed. I hoped they had. I hoped that I had been a good friend.

Death is funny. It grabs a hold of us - it encapsulates us. It often controls us. We become beings of a certain place and time. This can be said about the death of a loved one of the death of a marriage.

But my caring, concern and attention had not gone unnoticed and it was so nice to hear and so nice to be recognized as a true friend. We'll forever have a bond, this friend and I... forever. And so, it seemed this was a perfect friend to run away to if for just a short moment in time.

The air was different. The scenery was different. The landscape was different. The breezes were different and the mood was different. There was no tension. There was just calm. Peace and calm. I slept peacefully that night. It's a rare thing for me! I did wake up early in the morning before the sun was up and moved out to the living room when I caught sight of the big, bright moon high over the marsh. It was majestic and magical. My pillow and blanket came out with me on to the couch where I fell back  to sleep with a smile on my face, in awe of the beauty beyond.

When I awoke the moon was starting to set and the sun was starting to rise. I watched as night turned into day. I watched as today turned in to yesterday. I watched as tomorrow became today. I watched as the marsh beyond began to change into her new wardrobe. I watched mesmerized, still, and again by her beauty.

I didn't stay past early afternoon. My children missed me and they were ready and eager for me to return so we could get our Christmas tree. I could have stayed longer, but I was ready to go. I felt refreshed. I felt rejuvenated. I felt rested and at peace. I felt as though I had found my sense of calm and my sense of self again. I felt ready, once again, to take on the world.

If you're ever feeling so overwhelmed by life, I highly suggest a short trip away from home. You'll be amazed by the healing powers of even a short journey.

XOXO

Jessica