With grace and dignity...
I continue to be completely blown away by your comments, messages and emails that continue to arrive. I read them all, carefully, absorbing every minute detail. I hear your stories. I welcome your stories. I thank you for your stories and you kind words, your support and empathy. This has not been an easy journey. No journey of loss and love is easy. So many of you have commended me for handling myself with grace and dignity. I have tried. I have truly tried, but this has not always been the case. I have not always carried myself with grace and dignity. As I will always tell you there are two sides to every story. The truth usually lies somewhere in the middle.
It is no secret, especially those of you who know me on Facebook, that I hate his lawyer. I absolutely vehemently hate her. I think she is despicable and well, I won't go on... But she has been the cause of most of our strife. I don't think we could have gotten through this without legal representation, but I think much pain and hurt would have been spared. I tend to react out as opposed to act out. I need to be pushed in order to act out. When I have reacted it hasn't been pretty. It hasn't been graceful and I haven't done so with dignity. I know this and I am fully aware. It's a scary journey, and I often think that had I known how hard this would be I never would have ventured down this path. There's a part of me that's afraid of challenge, that's afraid to test the murky waters. I am so very glad that I didn't know what was in store. And yet, despite the pain and despite the godawful moments, I would never turn back and I would travel this road again. In a heartbeat. I would pack some more Kleenex with me. And maybe some more red wine. But this journey has been necessary. I have become a stronger person. I have grown exponentially. I have become a better person. I think my husband has as well.
In the end what we all strive for and need is happiness and no one should be denied that right in life.
We may have been ill-suited, my husband and I, but I would never have married someone who was not a kind and decent person. And during the most turbulent times of the marriage and divorce this has been hard to remember. But all turbulence comes to end and is followed by moments of calm and clarity. During these moments I really can put everything into perspective. I get angry. We all do. I lash out. We all do. I make mistakes. We all do. We both did and said things we shouldn't have. But I can forgive and I can walk forward, standing tall, with my head held high.
In the end, what matters more than anything are our three wonderful children. In the end we both want the world for them. In the end we are always going to be there for them, so why can't we be there together for them? Why can't they see that we can put our differences and shortcomings aside for them?
I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be. But I do strive to be the best that I can be.
My husband and I had breakfast together yesterday. We went out. No place fancy, just a local diner where we enjoyed a nice breakfast and where we were able to try to work out some details without our lawyers - without his dreadful godawful lawyer (I am so not ever backing down from that one!) and he had pointed out that I had said things that were unfair to him. I am not here to retract everything I have said, but I am writing to retract the things I may have said in haste that were indeed unfair. I'm not sure he'll ever read this but it's important to me to do so.
I want to add one more thing, I am lucky. Despite everything, I am truly very lucky.
It is no secret, especially those of you who know me on Facebook, that I hate his lawyer. I absolutely vehemently hate her. I think she is despicable and well, I won't go on... But she has been the cause of most of our strife. I don't think we could have gotten through this without legal representation, but I think much pain and hurt would have been spared. I tend to react out as opposed to act out. I need to be pushed in order to act out. When I have reacted it hasn't been pretty. It hasn't been graceful and I haven't done so with dignity. I know this and I am fully aware. It's a scary journey, and I often think that had I known how hard this would be I never would have ventured down this path. There's a part of me that's afraid of challenge, that's afraid to test the murky waters. I am so very glad that I didn't know what was in store. And yet, despite the pain and despite the godawful moments, I would never turn back and I would travel this road again. In a heartbeat. I would pack some more Kleenex with me. And maybe some more red wine. But this journey has been necessary. I have become a stronger person. I have grown exponentially. I have become a better person. I think my husband has as well.
In the end what we all strive for and need is happiness and no one should be denied that right in life.
We may have been ill-suited, my husband and I, but I would never have married someone who was not a kind and decent person. And during the most turbulent times of the marriage and divorce this has been hard to remember. But all turbulence comes to end and is followed by moments of calm and clarity. During these moments I really can put everything into perspective. I get angry. We all do. I lash out. We all do. I make mistakes. We all do. We both did and said things we shouldn't have. But I can forgive and I can walk forward, standing tall, with my head held high.
In the end, what matters more than anything are our three wonderful children. In the end we both want the world for them. In the end we are always going to be there for them, so why can't we be there together for them? Why can't they see that we can put our differences and shortcomings aside for them?
I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be. But I do strive to be the best that I can be.
My husband and I had breakfast together yesterday. We went out. No place fancy, just a local diner where we enjoyed a nice breakfast and where we were able to try to work out some details without our lawyers - without his dreadful godawful lawyer (I am so not ever backing down from that one!) and he had pointed out that I had said things that were unfair to him. I am not here to retract everything I have said, but I am writing to retract the things I may have said in haste that were indeed unfair. I'm not sure he'll ever read this but it's important to me to do so.
I want to add one more thing, I am lucky. Despite everything, I am truly very lucky.
I am so glad that you two were able to sit down together and have a rational adult conversation. Congratulations, that is huge! Hopefully this is the beginning of seperate lives with your children as common ground. I am sure you know that the best gift we can give our children is letting them see the respect (if not love)we have for their other parent. Good luck! It looks like things are headed in a positive direction (I hope!).
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you in this journey. I cannot imagine having to go through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children, and your soon to be ex. I do hope you can all work through this so that each of you are left with the dignity that you all deserve.
ReplyDeleteI remember a dinner out that my ex and I had to talk some things out during our divorce proceedings. What I can remember is that it was sad, but cleansing. There was no one else with us and that was so important.
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