this is your life... live it... love it!

I was on the phone with a friend the other day... a friend who has been through the divorce process and has come through, relatively unscathed. This friend happens to be a male, a father, and so to me his input was interesting. As we were comparing our stories I noticed a few common threads, as most stories of divorce are apt to have. But where we differed significantly was in the fact that he said he would never tell anyone to get a divorce. "Really?" I asked. "If someone you knew was in a bad marriage, was terribly unhappy, you would not tell them that you are happier now?" I asked again. And then I quickly added that I would. I am not advocating divorce per se. I am not encouraging others to seek greener pastures only to find that the grass really was greener on their side. I am not encouraging anything inappropriate. I am not suggesting anything illicit or lewd. I am merely suggesting that if you are unhappy with your life, you need to step back and take a good look at yourself and a good look at everything around you. You need to figure out the source of your unhappiness. If you are miserable in your job get a new one. If you hate your hair change it. If your clothes are getting too tight, cut back for a few days. It's easy, really. Unless, of course, the source of your unhappiness is larger.

When you look all around you and see that you have everything anyone could possibly want... When you look all around you and see that what you want and what you need are not material possessions but compassion and passion both of which have been lacking for some time now... When you look around and see that the cause of your unhappiness is what you built your life on, then it is fair to reevaluate your life and figure out what you can do to find happiness, to bring yourself to that place that makes you happy. You have one life, you need to live it and love it. After all, what's a life that's not truly being lived and enjoyed?

This is my reason for wanting to be honest and tell those who are seriously contemplating divorce to do so. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life feeling sad, empty and incomplete. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life wondering if I'd ever really feel laughter, happiness and love. Going through the motions is not living. It is simply being. These are two very different things.

Divorce is hard. It is brutal. It takes you places you've never been. It'll take you to the depths of despair and back again. You'll feel as though your head is under water. You'll feel as though you're sinking. You'll feel as though you're at the end of your rope... your fingers loosening... your grip slipping. You'll feel as though you want to give up. You'll feel pain and sorrow and grief like you've never ever felt before. And then you'll see the sunshine. You'll feel the warm gentle rays warm your face, illuminating everything in your path. You'll see the rainbow. You'll open your eyes and see everything around you with a vibrancy you've never seen before. You'll smile. You'll laugh. You'll feel good. You'll feel great, You'll feel better than great. You'll stand up and dust yourself off.

You'll realize you are better than you were. You'll realize that you are stronger than you were. And you'll realize, most importantly of all, you're happier than you were... happier than you've been in a very long time. And you'll see that all the pain and hardship and tears have been worth it. Every single step of the journey you know, deep down, will have been worth it. And so this is why I tell people that divorce can be a good thing.

Divorce forces you to look at yourself and your flaws as well as your strengths. It forces you to re-evaluate your passions and dreams and desires. Most importantly, divorce can set you back on your feet again... It can steer you down the right path... it can give you that chance to get your life back... to live it... to love it!