it's all about the changes...

When I started this new blog a few days ago, my intention was never for it to be a blog about divorce, because it isn't. Amid Life is about me expressing myself, using my voice, embracing change and following my personal yellow brick road. We all encounter battles in our lifetimes and we are all forced to, at some point, deal with stressful situations and change. This is a natural occurrence in life. High school, college, graduating from college,  getting married, having children, moving, losing a parent, friend, husband... going through a divorce... All these events greatly alter our paths and each, in it's own way, is stressful. Some of these changes are for the better and some are not, yet we all have the power within us to turn the negatives into positives. Some people adapt to change better than others. I am not one of those people. I am a person of comfort. I crave the familiar. I dislike the mundane and routine, but I need to know that what's around me won't change. Yet nothing in life is constant. We constantly move through life acquiring new experiences, friendships and memories and if our lives didn't change, think of all the wonderful opportunities we would miss out on!

I'm a creature of habit. I like the comforts of all that is known and familiar and so, for me, most life changing events are hard for me to deal with. I am scared of failure. I'm afraid of a good challenge. I'm not unlike many of you out there. Sometimes I worry so much about the challenges and how hard something may be that I never even bother to take the chance. It's silly but it's true. Not long ago I recognized this and then wondered about all the possible good opportunities I may have missed out on thus far, and realized that I didn't want to miss out on any in the future.

Truth be told I went into this divorce blindly. I had no idea what the hell I was doing or what the hell I was going to do. All I know is that it needed to be done. By nature I am not a researcher. I follow my gut and my heart. I seek out the big picture but not the minute detail. I think had I known how difficult my journey would be I may not have had the courage to seek out the happiness I deserved and to start chasing my dreams. I, most likely, would have been too scared. I would have thought it to be too hard. I don't like to take chances and until very recently I was not good at challenging myself. My husband knew that too. One day last winter he actually dared me to serve the papers. I am sure he never suspected that I would. And so, I did. I took that blind leap of faith. And, you know what? I have never looked back... I have never regretted my decision. Never.

I am nearly at the end of this part of my journey and I still don't know what lies ahead. I don't know where I will live. I don't know how I will be able to support my kids, myself... I don't know much. What I do know is that I have grown and changed and matured. This journey, harder than I ever thought it would be, is the best thing I have ever done for myself. I have become better, stronger and happier. I have forced myself to be a player and not a spectator. I have forced myself to go outside my comfort zone. I have found that even in the most profoundly sad moments laughter is possible, for I have learned that even in the depths of despair when I thought I had no tears left and yet they would not stop flowing, that tomorrow is another day. And after the rain comes the sun, often with a rainbow.

No matter where we are in life we will all have challenges. We'll all get thrown off course. But what I know is this, the unexpected turn in the wrong direction more often than not sets us on the right path. 

Our journeys may not all be alike, but if you look and listen closely, you'll see they're not at all dissimilar. 

XOXO

Jessica