So I ran away after all...

It's one thing to teach your kids about running away from your problems and it is another to suffer needlessly. After a couple of days with no power, heat, working fireplace, etc I decided we really needed to get the hell out. My daughter was just recovering from a virus that had settled into her chest, causing severe asthma and it seemed I was headed down that route too. A cold, sick mother would not properly be able to care for her children. While their father had power for a few days he needed to be at work and we both agreed that the kids and I would be best off at my parents' house for a couple of days. Our intention was that I would return them to him over the weekend as he was missing them terribly. But then his power was voluntarily shut off (not by him!) so that the power company could work on those homes in need. We were now two parents in the dark. I remained with the children where, feverish and with a terrible cough, I was glad to be somewhere with heat and electricity. A few close friends picked up on the fact that I had been ill when they spoke to me but other than that no one knew. How could I possibly complain about a little malady when there was so much worse out there?

I'm sort of riddled with guilt that I have a warm place to stay when friends of mine are still, nearly a week later in the dark. Many of them have generators and many of them don't. Regardless, it's all so very unsettling no matter where you are. Whether you are home in the dark, with a generator or have been displaced, all we all really want is a sense of normalcy. We have routines and patterns and needs and we all want them back. Yes, selfish I know and every time I complain (in my my head) I get so upset with myself. I HAVE a home to return to. And one (soon I hope) my home will be lit and warm and a happy place to be again. And that is so much more than so many others have.

The kids have watched the footage of the storm. They've seen the damage and the devastation in their own back yards. They've seen the damage, devastation and ruins of New York, Staten Island and Queens. I'm glad they have. For as much as they want to complain about being uprooted and living under someone else's roof and following the rules of elderly grandparents who are not used to having kids around, they've been - for the mostpart - amazing and I know they've wanted to complain and whine but they haven't. They know how fortunate they are. As awful as tragedies are, there really is so much good that can come of them. My kids have a better realization of how fortunate they really are.

And the goodness of people comes out too. My friend Tracy and her husband had flown into the city to run the marathon. They were really on the fence with their decision and then decided that they would run and help out if possible. When they were in the city they had learned that the marathon was indeed cancelled. My friend immediately announced that they had been brought to the city for a reason, and the reason was not to run the race but to help those in need. And that's what they and many other marathoners have been doing!

I want to do something to help. But I don't know what at the moment. I will as soon as I can get back on my own two feet.

We're headed back home in a couple of hours. We still have no power or heat but we need to go home. We need to go back. Home is home.

My ex husband, while also in the dark, has a large and warm fireplace. We'll camp out there for a night. The older two can then go to school in the morning. They need school - to get back to something that feels like normal. This will all be over soon. My kids have been amazing. Such troopers. I'm so very, very proud of them.

I'm off to shower in case it'll be a few more days without!

Be well and stay safe -

XOOX

Jessica